Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Friday, November 11, 2011

Two Generations of Women - Reviewed

This is actually my second post. But since comments were not enabled on it, and I couldn't find out how to enable them, so I reposted it. And obviously and for obvious reasons I did not change anything in it. Comments invited!



Now before I commence with my second post (though I've started blabbering already!) I have a few people to thank. Yes, well guessed! Friends, acquaintances and total strangers, who read my blog (my first ever post) and gave their humble (and not-so-humble) comments on it. So continuing with my patchwork, I have more to write, though there isn't anything philosophical that is coming to my mind today.

My vacations started 2nd May. And if I quote a friend of mine (err.. another blogger) - "Vellagiri" (or Navrebaazi for my dear gujju friends) is "on full roll". Which in fact accounts for my Mom's thunderbolts (on her head) and cloudbursts (on my head). After all, mothers have to worry about their daughters not working in the house and wasting their time blogging. In their opinion (ohh, the word "their" is debatable, considering the fact that some mothers may be bloggers too, thus not being as opposed to blogging like my MommyDearest is but then its for all mothers who are against blogging) blogging wastes the precious time daughters could spend (which the daughters invariably read as "waste") keeping their rooms clean, learning to cook (for their worse better halves) and of course, by studying (to find a better half for whom they eventually have to cook). I do not know which one is done to get the other. The education to get the better half, the better half to get the cooking (eventually), or the education for cooking?

Murphy is so right when he says, "Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't..."

Never mind mothers and daughters because in my opinion, mothers and daughters can and will do whatever they want, whenever they want and however they want. Guys (and men) will usually say a mother has a beautiful, mysterious and strange aura around her, but then that comes only because of the fact that no matter how hard a son tries, he cannot understand his mother better than she understands him. And then an equal and opposite reason lies behind the thunderbolts and cloudbursts between the mother and the daughter. A mother can never understand a daughter better than the daughter understands her mother. Feels strange? But that is true. A daughter actually understands her mother better than anyone else. And the "anyone", oddly enough, also encompasses the grandmother!

And guys have an even more hilarious interpretation of girls. In their opinion all girls are alike (so much like what we think about guys too!). Guys will unanimously agree that girls are nosy, troublesome, and expensive! Nuts aren't they? (This one from me, about guys). They invariably spot three items to prove their point. Phone bills from one milestone to another, dressing tables full of all kinds of creams (even if they don't know the difference between a fairness cream, a sunscreen and a vanishing cream) and purses and wardrobe full of jewellery and beauty-equipment (they can advice you to use a lipstick in place of a mascara - the effect is the same.. they will tell you). Yes, they are one of those not-so-chivalrous breed who will open a gal's purse to prove themselves right, to our utter annoyance. But then this is only the tip of the iceberg, there is more to guys than fun-making friends, rude brothers and boy-friends (need I say more about this breed of guys?). Because we gals are closest to our Dads than anyone else, and even if we don't know much about Dads, we can rely on them to tell them that we didn't do so well in the last college internal. We can easily be bratty in front of Dads and see out jewellery cravings being fulfilled!

But now please turn the spotlight on me! Yes, I detest creams and jewellery. Much to the annoyance of my mother and my aunts who want me to thread away the eyebrow (if you don't know "what" it is I can tell you "how" it is - painful), wear that flashy dress to the wedding, wear a better jeans to the college look fairer, and oh! Get slimmer! Hey, I need a break now... As such, you must be resenting turning the spotlight on me, as i look like no star, who needs a spotlight.

So please gimme a break. I have blabbered enough about mothers and daughters and earned enough wrath of my mother for blogging away the evening while I was supposed to add validation to the website I made for the company where I have this project.

Fare Well..!!

The Trouble in Paradise....

17th Sept : Operations Research
18th Sept : Electronic Commerce
19th Sept : Enterprise Resource and Planning
20th Sept : Mass Communication.
21st Sept : Client Server Technology
22nd Sept : Management Information Systems
24th Sept : Neural Networks
25th Sept : Multimedia

I looked at the time table that had made way to my classmate's mobile phone - obviously missing my gaze - for the fifth time now. I read out the itinerary silently... Subjects that I could bear, those I would mess up and those I'd do "just OK". Which meant that I was going to be a five point something again... The figure that messed up my life last year after the results were announced; something I'd rather forget, when after being battered by Mom's nagging I lost almost all the confidence I had (which among other things, meant I couldn't share secrets with Mom - yes, take it all lightly, this could be worse, right?). Having a debate (which is usually heated - this was a usual debate, by the way) Mom finally said what she should have, long ago. "I don't care what grades you get..." and then "If you don't get you desired score, don't come back crying because you lost many opportunities by your five point something attitude." Of course the only politically correct answer was "I won't." Guess that ended it for then, while I heaved a sigh of relief...

One glance at my First Term exam time table (combined with the partial recall of the term's attendance) told me that 'Neural Networks' would be the most troublesome part of this appalling exam regime. Neural Networks (shortened to NN by our folks) is a subject that has its roots in mathematical models and talks about how the brain (or the neuron(s) - a tiny unit of out brain, more specifically) processes the information it gets as an input, and how to inject the same intelligence into the computers - or artificial neurons. But it is not the mathematical models that trouble me, what troubles me the number of lectures I missed due to oversleeping...

Ah! How how great it feels after fighting with my mother and to know that she doesn't care for the marks!! I can forgo this subject, of course not without foreboding... But then is study the only thing in my life? Will it be too bad if I, for once do not delve into the intricacies of The Brain (not the mind) and try concentrating on what I want? Like PHP?

But for now, I have to concentrate capturing my notes, strewn afar in discrete patches - inside one exclusive notebook for each subject... A Herculean task, which has to be done anyway. And what is life anyway? Without friends at the college, with enemies among the staff et al.... Though I make my life very secluded from the general fun everyone has, I guess I'm doing the right thing for now. Not that I'm being antisocial... I will help anyone who'd want it from me.. but some thing are my own to have.. Not the least of which is my own life. And though I help many, that does not mean they are obliged to be close to me and share their life with me, which applies to me too...

And your life has to be shared only among worthy friends and probably your better half :)

Exams are close, and my Internet hours are dwindling... that should be clear by the fact that I have come to the University's broadband cafe, instead of having Internet at home.. I shall not be here for a while, so this post should fill up the lengthening gap.. See you later!

Fare Well..!!

Eight facts of life...

Imagine you log in to your favourite messenger one cool December morning expecting offliners from that guy you have a crush on.. this old school friend of yours whom you met yesterday on facebook, or a morning wish from your brother who's online after an age.. and you are stared in the face by a really cryptic IM.. "Hey! You're tagged!" You fumble for a meaning.. "What exactly does that mean?" you ask yourself.. and when you fail to decrypt the message you ask your friend who broke that joyous news to you..
Uff!! You don't even know that it was a joyous news, which he seemed to have conveyed so excitedly to you.. Till he tells you what exactly that means, you run a search through your brain for all the instances registered for "tag" or "tagged". Your brain gives you a google trace of the search term. "Tag" was what you removed from the (then) new Jeans you bought from Big Bazaar last month, Tag Heuer was the watch you felt like stealing at the same mall.. You are a geek and you even know all the HTML tags, and you, thus, also know that Tagged.com is a social networking site affiliated to Yahoo! But you have not received another such jeans, the Tag watch nor have you got an award from the W3C for your HTML shenanigans nor a tagged.com invitation.. So what exactly has happened?! While you are scratching your head (assuming that its actually your brain you are scratching, running another google for "tags") your friend comes up with this - "Arey, look at my post!" He says.
You check out his post and find out that he has written a post called "8 facts of my life" and has gone about explaining that he had been "tagged" to write that post. So tagging someone means that a poor soul gets a tag around his (in case such as mine - her) neck to post on her blog THE eight facts of life she deems are public-private enough to appear on her blog... until the tag does not really become the noose they show in Hindi movies.
Huh?! You swear.. why exactly am I supposed to do that? Especially when your boss at the company you are having this training programme is pushing you for the wire frame of the website, you Mom wants you to renounce blogging, your ASP teacher has asked you to submit 3 super sized programs the next day (you in fact realize that it IS the day you are supposed to submit the programs - its twelve already), and last but not the least you must get an earthen pot for your sweetheart Aloe Vera plant your Dad is going to get you... You try swearing at the guy who wanted to noose tag you.. but aww he's so ________ cute! The blank is left here on purpose, you can substitute a word of your choice here.. which may (incidentally) be a curse... so that is solved.. but then swearing does not exactly excuse you from the tag.. you pick up the courage to refuse using a really cliched "pick up" (of course the pun is intended) line "What if I don't?" but you notice the grey dot on the chat window that pulls your collar and screams that he's offline.. with that there's an IM.. "Im going away for three weeks.. vacation" - now is when you are really jealous of his vacations... Now you cannot really know what happens if you don't really write that...
Its like a thunderbolt out of the blue.. "BOOM! You've been tagged!" that misses your chair by inches, where you had been sitting long.. the good news is you at least lifted your bum up to rush down to your PC and open blogger.. The persons who came here to see THE eight facts probably will scroll down all these lines and see those facts outright.. (You didn't did you?) Okay no finger pointing.. On with the eight facts
1. I am a girl.
Anyone who does not agree with that will have a REAL noose in their necks! A sub fact is that I am kidding (not about my Girl status OK?). Call me a young lady if you will, or an old frump if you wish, I still am a Girl.
2. Being a Girl, I feel strongly about Women's issues.
Whether its social, health or other, I feel women who are not aware need the proper guidance about them - from those who are and be empowered to be independent.
3. I am only 90% feminist.
Yes I feel about women's issues, but that does not make me a complete feminist - it does not make me a feminist at all in fact. And if you were wondering about the 10% instead of the relation of women's issues and being a feminist, the reason is that I love playing Tomb Raider.. and thus do not agree with the Feminist's ire on TR.. my favourite PC game. And the real reason is that rest 10% of my nature is lost in giving boys their much needed attention ..huh..? what are you thinking? I am totally into gender equality! Oops another fact!
4. I believe in following traffic laws.
Yes, I having a vehicle in a totally chaotic city.. Ahmedabad, try being unlike the rest of the public. By the way, if you haven't been anywhere close to Patchez' vicinity - I feel encouraged to tell you that there are only 2 ways of survival in Ahmedabad on the streets.. Follow all the rules.. or none.. Sometimes you want your conscience to get the worse of you :(
Therefore I do not cross the red light till it turns green, I wear a helmet and follow my speed limits.
5. I am only 0.5% geek and 100% nerd.
Unfortunately - geeks are usually considered Hackers and Nerds, are boring. I'm 0.5% intelligent, and 100% boring.
6. I hate speaking rudely.
But then again that's not what I do. Meaning not speaking rudely!
7. I love Dogs!
Yes, I really do, and dearly wish to keep a pet doggy, but the chances that Mom will stay in the same house (or it will remain the same house after this new family member [Mom's step child] arrives) are close to nil..
8. And finally this was my first Tag, and those who tag me will really receive a similar noose around their neck! BEWARE!
P.S. : I really adore this guy who tagged me and by the way.. I just spun a tale with my footloose tendencies.. hey Zed.. don't feel bad. The truth is that I really enjoyed writing this post! :P
P.P.S. Would anyone like to be tagged.. by me??


~ Fare Well!

Sone de Maa... It is that time of the year again

*Yaaaawn*

So is it that time of the year again? A time when winter is at its peak, when wind cheats your windcheater to give you a tickling cold surprise, when you eat a lot of Gajar ka Halwa, gain a few kgs, suddenly develop a semblance to Polar Bears in their caves - hibernating, and somebody tags you for the Year Post. It is January the first, the first day of a new year. A freezing midnight by the way, not morning yet. To tell you something, I don't really believe in the New Year spirit... No, no, I'm not completely cynic (only like 36%), it is just that I'm too much of a busy lazy bum to get out of the cosy covers and run around calling every other chum out there who's probably as much of a lazy bum as I am..

So well, this post is obviously late in coming... no I am not apologising, just finger pointing at my busy schedule for that ("He did it!"). This lady tagged me with a Year post so here I am, up with it. It will spill out some nonsense about me, but otherwise its just fine for idle slumps like me (and you) to read this post thinking there is something interesting out of it. I believe you won't, but since you have decided to read it (I assume you have because you have come this long) better get on with it.
Q:What had you done in 2007 that you had never done before?
A:Walked in a jungle :)
Q:What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A:Guess it was the success in my year-end project :(
Q:What do you wish you had done more of 2007?
A:Letting go...
Q:What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
A:Has to be "Evanecence's My Immortal" and "Jaane kya chaahe mann bawra"
Q: What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
A: The 16th of....... hehe.. ;)
Q:What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A:Oh! It was that trippy trip ;)
Q:What was the best thing you got in 2007?
A:The unabridged version of The Lord of The Rings :) (Oh I know I'm obsessed!)
Q:What places did you visit this year?
A:My Family extensions at Delhi and Thhane :P
Q:What was the best book(s) you read in 2007?
A:The Lord of The Rings, some of Premchand's short stories (in the middle of my finals!), and Jeffery Archer's. (Some more, too, I guess.)
Q:What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
A:Cut my cake at home and went out with Mom to Mc D's... I was 20.
Q:What do you wish you had done less of in 2007?
A:Anger, as usual...
Q:What was/were your favourite film/s this year?
A:Chak De, Pink Panther, Page 3, Dhoop. Right, they are old, but, come on, I never confessed to being a movie buff!
Q:Who did you miss the most among relatives and friends?
A:My besty who moved to Pune :(
Q:What did you hate most about yourself this year?
A:Being moody (cannot help if it is same as Manisha's) and being late to college.
Q:Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
A:Telling a former virtual best friend all about my childhood.
Q:If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would that be?
A:It was when in the state level debate I said "ubiquitous computing" instead of "computing everywhere" that made the judge ask me what the significance of ubiquitous computing was.. as expected, I did not know!
Q:Did you do any act of benevolence this year?
A:This year? Not really. Well in case it meant last year, I must have fed a dog, given up a seat... diminutive favours ;)

My 2008 wish list:
  1. Learn some Ruby on Rails, PHP, MySQL and most of all Linux.
  2. Have a beast of a machine for a laptop.
  3. Become healthier. I'm (quite literally) sick of getting cold and breathing problems!
  4. A little stronger (you know "as in" what).
  5. You and me and others stay happy :)

And Yawwn! It was tedious to put it into an HTML table!

So a very Happy New Year to you!

Fare you well.. :)