Friday, November 11, 2011

Love and other diseases

Yes, Love and other diseases. Don't believe me, try someone else's post. A while back, Void, the smartass that he is, wrote a post that showed symptoms of love and suggested that the disease be avoided altogether. After a particularly disturbing episode of his life, I am guessing, he sat down, gulped half a dozen khambhas (oh men have tolerance for that, don't you worry), got high on dope and wrote that post. Which explains why every minuscule devilish phrase in it is celestially accurate. Now, do you know why a lot of great men used to drink? They were ignored and insulted, most died penniless and unknown but deep down, philosophers they were (and not just jilted lovers as the world called them, pejoratively). I suppose that post is your materia medica on Love and I shall not handle the topic henceforth. (hic!)

The other type of lesser known philosophers are called jilted... (wait for it!) friends!! Aha! I will begin with 10 reasons not to be friends. I know the world shall drag me out, beat me up, try me for blasphemy and burn me at stake after raping my brain bu-ut because - not because I committed blasphemy but because the so-called friends will not come to my rescue. Oh fudge you all. But respected reader, I shall be long gone from my hideout! So-oh, choose some booze, pack some crack, grope some dope and read on the following ten celestial truths o' exalted mortals with Internet access in a long drawl accompanied with generous number of hic!(sic)cups*. Concluding this you shall be acquainted with ancient truth you had been ignoring for the rest of your lives suspended in temporary disbelief of misery - or did I mean misery of temporary suspension of disbelief.



Friends are a figment of your imagination.


The *real* reasons they are around is money and booze.



Friends are a conspiracy to lose money.



A man's best friend is a dog. The next time you get to be someone's best friend... you know what I mean.



Safety in numbers! is a myth! You and friend smoke crack at a rave party and get caught by police. Are you saved because you were more than one? No! Is he saved b'cause his father is some obscene politician? Yeah!



Talk about *good* people. Consider your classmates and colleagues as friends and work with them on something. Who gets the creeediiiits? Noooo, not yoo!



Kids are no exceptions. When your kid friends visited you, and spread out your toys you had to clean up, not them! No Everest pav Bhaji masala does. not. help.



Haven't great saints all said "yah jag mithyaa hai aur main mithyavadi hoon". Anything but liars I tell you. No body is your friend.


Corollary: I am not your friend.



There are only nine truths. The tenth one is just an exclamation to conclude your knowledge.



You are not my friend. Which is not an exclamation!




So, thus you attain Supereme Knowledge o' being and henceforth I wish you stay safe in your future endeavours and catch not Love and other diseases and spread them about. I am as equally susceptible to it as my next door neighbour!



With love to Void who let me steal his post without me asking.


* I could have been drunk, too drunk to realize it too.

7 comments:

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Been a long time, have you been in your hideout all this while?
I won't talk of friends, it's better to be alone, most of the time.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Quaintzy Patchez said...

Yes, I've been away. Was busy. Don't write until compelled to.

Void said...

Takes a bow. A devilish masterpiece, indeed.

You are finally doing justice to your stature as the Queen, I mentioned in another blogpost of mine. ;)

Quaintzy Patchez said...

oh was it me? The Queen thought it was her. Lest you fall a victim to her terrible wrath! Oh how i fear for you but being friends and all DO nothing

Void said...

Yeah you dont do enough as a friend.. ahem!

vijay said...

if what u ve written has really happened to you... i feel sorry for your choice of friends

Mehak said...

nice to have you back after so long!